Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm at about main and main street
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
