I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
