So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
