Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
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