Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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