Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
