I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
