Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So squirting runs in the family.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
