I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
