i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
