My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
