i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
