You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
