Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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