i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
