On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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