Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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