Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is the high leading the old right now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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