if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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