you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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