if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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