So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
