You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
