Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
