I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
