It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
