so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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