he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
