just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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