then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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