I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
