i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We smell like vodka and hangover
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