My hand turned me down
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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