Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
