I hate your face
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
