paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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