I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
