If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
