real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
