He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
