I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A bitchslap is in order.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
