my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
