I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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