my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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