my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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