and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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