What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
