What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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