saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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