You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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